The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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