Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
