Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
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Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
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He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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