I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
