That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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