And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Let's get the cat blown out
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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