Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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