is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
