did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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