I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
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