i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
