Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
