You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
