Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
