if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
