everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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