Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I think I just sharted jello shots
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