he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just gargled with NyQuil
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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