Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
