Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize