I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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