this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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