Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
