Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
