Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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