I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
