honey bunches of taint.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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