Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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