can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
