Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
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