they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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