I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just cut my nipple shaving
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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