I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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