Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
