he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
