I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
