I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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