Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
