he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
