Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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