Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Sponge bath it is.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
