dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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