nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
should my penis look like a turkey
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
