its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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