She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
