Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
It's official drugs can't kill me
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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