I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
