Someone shit on the floor
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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