Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
