I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
