Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
