Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
