I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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