My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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