No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
