nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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