I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
