Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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