What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
