he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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