just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
This baby is an asshole
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Send help, water and tortillas.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
