At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
