i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
