just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
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