Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize