8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
