i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
