From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
