im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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